It’s amazing how suffering makes you grow in a way that nothing else does. The more I grow, the more I see how much further I need to grow. Thankfully, God is patient with each of us on our journey, and He is there with us, offering mercy and grace every step of the way. We cannot do it alone, and we don’t have to do it alone.
Long-suffering is especially challenging. I’ve been in chronic pain with significant limitations for 16 ½ years now following wisdom teeth extraction that went terribly wrong and other major compounding factors that came along the way. That’s a post of its own, but I’m having to endure an unusual amount of suffering and loss. My life is nothing like I thought or hoped it would be at this point, but I have grown and am continuing to grow spiritually through this ordeal.
Over the years many people have suggested that I write. I have always felt the call to write but didn’t feel like God was telling me it was the right time until a few weeks ago when I was spending time in the Adoration Chapel. I didn’t understand why this was “the” time, but I started revisiting writing that I’ve done in the past and praying about what to share in a blog. Now with all of the chaos and uncertainty surrounding coronavirus, I understand better why God is asking this of me now.
My hope is that the lessons I have learned in the trenches of suffering will help others who are going through times of uncertainty and suffering now, be it from the impact of coronavirus or something else. God can bring good out of suffering, and He can even bring good out of a situation that is still bad (like mine). God is not limited by circumstances- how amazing is that! He doesn’t cause illness, but He can bring good out of it. Suffering has vastly changed my perspective, and I feel called to share what I’ve learned the hard way. I see things completely differently than I once did. It’s a bit unnerving to put the depth of my writing and experiences out there for the world to see, but I want to do everything in my power to allow God to bring good out of my situation, however He decides to do that.
The most frequent question people have asked me over the years is, “How do you still have your faith after everything you’ve been through and still have to endure?” My answer is always that my faith is the ONLY thing to keep me going through all of this and get me out of bed each morning. When everything else is stripped away, what else is left? Nothing, because everything in life is fleeting except for God! God is our only certainty. No event, thing, or even human relationship is steadfast like God is.
My understanding of that concept has grown in depth over the years. It started in the beginning of this illness when I was upset that I could not attend most events, so I shifted my focus to seeing friends. Then many of my friends didn’t stick around during this illness, and others went off to college and built new lives, as is normal. All the while I was pretty much housebound, so I would look forward to getting ice cream. (I mean, who doesn’t look forward to ice cream?!) But then came along dietary restrictions that didn’t allow me to indulge in ice cream anymore. I realized that I had been placing my joy mostly in things of this world, when really that place in my heart was meant for God alone. This isn’t to say that those other things are bad- some of them are even intended by God. Attending events can be a very good thing, and I’m sure Jesus loves ice cream! Support and visits from friends have been and still are so important during this trial, and God often comes to us through other people in the Body of Christ. God intends for us to support one another, and God created relationships so that we may have them with one another, but none of these other things belong in that center place of our hearts which only God can fill.
At the time that was a huge revelation for me, but I’ve had to grow much more in that arena as my suffering has persisted. As I continue to work to have Jesus first in my life, I see the importance of my complete and total surrender to God’s will, where I am attempting to pray about all the decisions I have to make and ask God what His will is of me in each circumstance. At first that seemed burdensome to me, but the more I’ve practiced it, the more freeing it feels to seek His will in everything. This required me to grow in trust that He wants what is good for me, and in faith that He is working in my life even when I can’t see it. I had to work through my anger toward God about my situation to even begin to grow in trust and in faith. Every day when I wake up, I ask God to show me what He wants me to do that day, but now I also ask Him what He wants to give to me, to show me, and to teach me that day. That simple prayer has been a game-changer for me these last few months. I find myself on the lookout for ways in which He is working in my life, and I find my understanding increasing as well.
This has not been easy. In fact, it has been quite challenging, but God is so loving and patient. Before this illness I thought I was in a good place spiritually because I went to church, prayed, and was involved in Catholic and Christian volunteer organizations. All of those things are good and vital, but I didn’t realize the degree to which I was “going through the motions” until rubber met the road with my health situation and I kept having to dig deeper. It’s much easier to have faith when things are going well than when things are challenging! In order to press on, I had to strengthen my relationship with Jesus by facing the really tough questions and actively seeking out more knowledge about my faith. I started small and added more as I could digest it, but overall I began reading more scripture and faith-based books, listening to additional homilies, and going for spiritual direction. No matter where we are on our spiritual journeys, there are many resources available, and we are not alone!
Life is often filled with trials, be it coronavirus or other challenges, and trials have an uncanny way of shifting our focus to the bigger picture. God is with us every step of the way though, even when we have a hard time feeling His presence. He is patiently waiting with open arms for each and every one of us to draw closer to Him. He doesn’t always shield us from suffering, but He will sustain us unceasingly, no matter the circumstances. God is greater than our trials, sufferings, and inconveniences, and He will bring good out of them in His way, in His time. That is truly something for which we can be thankful.
What is of utmost importance can’t be derailed by things out of our control. Our relationship to God and getting to heaven come first, and everything else pales in comparison to that. God is our certainty, our rock on which to lean. May we take comfort in God’s steadfast love and care for us during this time of change and uncertainty, and may the fruit of all of this be increased faith and deeper relationships with God!
Very inspiring and uplifting
Hoping you’ll continue to write and give inspiration to all.
Thank you so much! I do plan on continuing to write.
Nearly 4 years after your post, here I am.
Your post was drawn up and posted in 2020, and it’s being used to ease my worries in 2024. Four years, 48 months, and countless breaths. And on this day, we no longer have to wear masks in public.
Please know that what you’ve written, and perhaps second-guessed before posting, has helped me in a time of uncertainty and distress. Finding your article came from a thought about how many things on this Earth are not forever, but through faith, I know that God is.
Thank you for writing this article. It helped me. You can be assured that work has helped someone if only one. Thank you for being honest in your post as well, it’s refreshing to have someone to relate to. And maybe I am relatable to many right now but no one says anything about their personal struggles.
Wow! Thank you so much for this comment, and for all the effort and authenticity you put into those remarks.
It’s so encouraging for me on my faith journey to see God working in ways I wouldn’t have imagined, years after I wrote something. It’s exciting to see Him bringing good out of my still bad situation. All the glory is His.
At times it has been difficult and counter-intuitive for me to put as much out there as I do, but when I discern in prayer that He is calling me to do it, I can’t argue with that. Your comment encourages me to keep going on that track.
God/our faith is the ONLY thing that is not fleeting. Circumstances change, people let us down, our desires are unmet- but God loves us, and He is true and never-changing. What a relief!
Anything difficult we experience can be offered up and united to Jesus’ cross and used for redemption. How amazing is that? God is personally inviting each of us to partake in His plan for redemption. It doesn’t stop with the suffering- it’s about the redemption and glorification, and He wants to partner with us on that. 🤯
Honesty and authenticity are always non-negotiable as I write this blog. I only wish I’d come across a resource like this, with someone sharing his/her struggles and lessons grounded in the truth, during my most difficult days. I hope that my sharing uncomfortable things about my journey can and will help and encourage others!
Please subscribe to my blog if you haven’t already. It’ll only be about 2 emails per month, so nothing overwhelming. God bless! Thanks again.
Well my sweet girl I wait anxiously for your next blog. Your courage and insight is sure to be inspiration to many of us. The depth and understanding of your faith is mind blowing to me. I pray that I will be able to grow and live by your example. Sending love and prayers to you always.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words and support.
You will help give hope and faith to other others where there was none. You will inspire those to hope in the everlasting love and the presence of God in their lives.
Thank you so much! God will use my situation for good.
You are blessing in so many ways. We are here for you! Keep writing and jeepbthe faith 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much!
In 2006 I had a brain tumor.
I remember you offering up your suffering to help me get thru my surgery and recovery! You are truly one of a kind!!
Alexa, as I was there 16 1/2 years ago with the onset of your suffering, you have grown into a beautiful and spiritual young lady. Can we ask why, no, your faith in God is the only thing that could have gotten you through this. I am so glad you are writing and sharing with others. “ Trust in God with your whole heart, lean not on your understanding, in all ways a knowledge Him and He will direct your path”. Love you, Lynda
Thank you so much!
I am so proud of you Alexa!! Writing about your journey physically, emotionally and spiritually will inspire so many people to dig deeper into their faith. I am full of joy seeing you start this blog. Thank you for being YOU! Keep rockin’ it my girl!
Thank you so much!
Your faith is as profound as your thinking. You are truly an inspiration and I await in anticipation your next blog.
Nan
Thank you so much!
A very dear friend sent this to me tonight. I think this was a very intelligent, beautiful and extremely inspiring work of art. I am so grateful this was sent my way. Alexa, I think God’s plan for you is obvious. Please keep writing. The world would be headed in a much better direction if we all had your faithful and positive perspective. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement! I definitely plan to keep writing.
It’s always VERY interesting to read the insight of of someone zeroing in on the meaning of life/finding their purpose/figuring out the object of the game. This is an exciting time in your very precious life when every thing makes perfect sense. Looking forward to seeing where it goes from here.
Alexis your Aunt Guyann sent me your blog. Your courage & faith are truly inspiring through this long and painful ordeal. You are a gift to all of us. I look forward to more from you. Love to you and Suzy. Belinda
Thank you so much! Hugs!
An amazing friend sent this to me. I am so glad she did. You will inspire so many people with your writing as you have done for me! I can’t wait to see what’s next!
Alexa, sharing your journey is not only an act of faith but of courage! I have no doubt that the insights you’ve gained will benefit others. From my perspective, what we go through in life serves a much larger purpose than just our own growth. When we get our eyes off ourselves & onto others by turning our tests into our testimony, then God can use us in powerful ways to offer hope to others who need what you’ve learned. I pray you keep resting in Him & His Word for He alone is Truth. Keep journeying deep into Him! Hugs! ❤️
Alexa, thank you for opening up your life and sharing. I look forward to the posts to come. I still don’t understand why bad things happen to good people, but I bet I’ll learn better how to continue on in the midst of adversity by following your blog! Praying for you!!!
Thank you!!
I just caught up on all of your latest blogs this morning and revisited some of the earlier ones. Please know that your written word is not only inspiring, but is likely reaching those who need to hear it most. There are special gifts of wisdom and inspiration in every single one of your posts that truly resonate with me. I can only imagine the scope in which you have inspired others. God’s path for you keeps evolving, and I am blessed to be able to receive His graces through you, Alexa.
💗 Mrs. Matherne