Does Everyone Feel Different After Confirmation?

Pentecost was extra special for me this year, as I had the privilege of sponsoring a young woman from my Bible study for confirmation at St. Louis Cathedral. 114 adults from across the Archdiocese of New Orleans were confirmed on Pentecost Sunday (!!), which was amazing to see. I am beyond thrilled for my friend for taking this step on her faith journey and for the many graces she received from the sacrament. Watching her hunger for the Lord has had a profound impact on me this last year, and I’m grateful.

It was really cool for me to help her prepare for the sacrament and then attend the confirmation itself now that I’m in a different place on my faith journey compared to years ago. When I was confirmed in 8th grade, I was nowhere near where I am on my spiritual journey now. And that’s ok, because I wasn’t meant to be where I am now when I was 13! That’s the point of growth. I knew it was a sacrament and I took it seriously, but what did that mean for my life? I can’t say that I felt a big difference after being confirmed.

I’ve learned more about the Sacrament of Confirmation in recent years as I’ve been studying my faith, and as part of my friend’s preparation, we watched some great videos about confirmation (shoutout to Dr. Brant Pitre). As an adult, I enjoyed hearing the Biblical foundation of confirmation and hearing the many reminders about confirmation, especially that it:

• is the sacrament of evangelization.
• gives us power to witness (even unto death!).
• is a sending off (and that we can’t send ourselves off but rather must be sent off!).
• confers the role of disciple of Christ.

That’s when it really hit me directly: the words I’m writing in this blog and the words I’m speaking in the talks I give are fruits of this sacrament of evangelization that I received over 25 years ago in 8th grade! Maybe I didn’t feel differently at the time when I was confirmed, but those graces that were bestowed on me at my confirmation are the graces that I’m tapping into today as I do my best to be obedient to God and to live out His mission for me. The blog and talks might be the more visible opportunities I have to witness, but God’s mission for me also includes the “quieter” asks of His- offering up suffering for others, accompanying others on their journeys, helping someone prepare for confirmation, etc. All of these actions are fueled by grace, from the sacrament of evangelization. How else could I explain what I’m doing with the blog, talks, podcasts, etc., all while doing medical research and being very sick? The fact that I can even put 2 sentences together despite the pain and vomiting is simply a testament to God’s grace. I’ve always known that it’s God’s grace fueling this, but now I have a greater appreciation for just how much that sacrament of evangelization that I received in 8th grade is behind what I’m doing today.

So why didn’t I necessarily feel something different at the time of my confirmation? The thing I remind myself is that grace is not a feeling, so we can’t measure it by feelings. As humans, we are SO used to chasing our feelings. Our feelings are real, noteworthy, and should be valued, but they are not always an indication that a certain thing is happening or not happening. For example, a rainy day can have a certain feel to it, even if you’re inside. It’s dark and gloomy, you hear the sound of the rain and/or thunder, and your mood adapts accordingly- suddenly you’re more mellow and would rather read or watch a movie than go anywhere. It feels like a rainy day. But what about the days when it’s partly cloudy or even sunny, and there’s no rainy day feeling, yet drops are falling from the sky? The reality is that it’s still raining even though it doesn’t “feel” like a rainy day. That’s why we can’t use only our feelings as any sort of gauge within the faith- our feelings are often limited, fickle, and dependent on specific cues or circumstances. Praise God, our faith is not any of those things! I might not have felt much different after my confirmation, but looking back now, I can see how it helped me to stand up for what is right and for the faith, to share my faith with others, and to get more involved in my faith as young teenager, even though I didn’t realize that was what was happening at the time. I didn’t have to feel any different for confirmation to be efficacious, no more than I have to feel like it’s a rainy day for it to actually be raining outside.

Then how can it be that, regardless of how people felt at their confirmation, some people’s faith deepens, while others stop practicing the faith at some point? If everyone who is confirmed (in a state of grace, of course, or else who then enters a state of grace some time after being confirmed) receives the graces from the sacrament, why do people’s experiences of how that unfolds in their lives vary?

Disposition of heart is a big factor, and I can speak to this from personal experience. The sacrament is conferred, but God is waiting on our response to the sacrament- He still wants us to choose to cooperate with Him and His grace, because He is never forcing that on us. He wants our deep desire for Him and our active participation with Him. He wants us to desire to learn more about the faith, and then to actually take those steps to do so. He wants us receiving the sacrament (and then tapping into those graces going forward) with an open disposition- palms up instead of arms crossed, if you will. We can close off our hearts to Him so easily, even when we don’t realize that’s what we are doing. Even seemingly run-of-the-mill preoccupations can put us in an undesirable position to tap into His graces.

When I was confirmed, there were a lot of things about the faith that I didn’t know or understand (even though I didn’t realize there were things I was missing!). I wish I had been more proactive in learning about the Mass, reading the Catechism, reading the Bible, etc. at that point in my life and especially in the coming years, because those things really helped my faith blossom in my 30s. I didn’t even realize those were actions I needed to be taking for some time, but I went quite a while without putting forth enough effort to learn more about my faith. In my life I’ve seen that the more I learn about my faith, the more those graces from the sacraments are stirred up in me, the more they come alive in me in a palpable way.

Then sharing from my post-confirmation experience as years went on, my disposition of heart was not always as open as it needed to be. The reasons why were different at different points in my life, but they included things like relying on myself instead of God (that lack of surrender thing…), thinking God’s every interaction with me was based on me earning it, anger towards God, not knowing how to connect to certain aspects of the faith due to misunderstandings or lack of understanding, etc. Those graces from the sacrament were still there, but when my life imploded and I was angry with God and approaching Him with an attitude of distrust, I wasn’t as open to those graces. He needed me to have a disposition of heart to work with those graces on a daily basis, because He wasn’t going to force them on me. He let me choose, and sometimes I focused on other good things more than I focused on Him, and sometimes I let certain struggles or feelings get in the way.

But the good news is that the grace was conferred in the sacrament, and I’ve been able to “grow into it.” I didn’t miss out on the grace- it’s there, and I can lean into it now! Growth is a normal part of the journey, and no matter where I had been at 13, there were a lot of things I couldn’t have understood as well then as I do now- due to intellectual capacity, life experience, and spiritual growth. The graces we receive at confirmation are gifts that keep giving as we grow on our journeys! How beautiful is that?! It’s never too late to get confirmed or to tap into the graces you received at your confirmation! Learning more about the faith and having an open disposition of heart are 2 ways we can tap into those graces today!

Today I’m incredibly grateful for the graces I received from confirmation and that they will not “expire!” I’m also able to see how they are fueling everything I do, in real time today. Once I worked through a lot of my struggles with God and learned more about the faith, I could approach Him with a more open disposition of heart, and the graces started flowing in an unbelievable way. Thank God I’m in a better place on my faith journey now- I’ve learned to rely on God over myself and to be guided by Him, especially with this blog and the talks I give. I’m not perfect, but I’m making headway. I’m only able to do the specific things I’m doing because of those graces from confirmation- graces to evangelize and witness! That’s why when I give talks, it still feels like I’m a spectator of my own life… because it’s all the Holy Spirit’s doing, and I’m just a willing participant. 🙂

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