The Anxiety-Lowering Reminders God Gave Me This Week

This week I’m having yet another surgery. I feel like I should be able to turn in these surgery “punch cards” for a really cool prize! Thankfully this surgery won’t be as invasive as previous surgeries I’ve had, but it’s a pretty important one. We are trying a new approach created for my case, and honestly we don’t know if it’s going to work. It will be a wait-and-see sort of thing. This surgery is not a fix-all, but it’s step one in a list of things that need to happen in order for me to be in less pain and regain my health. None of the subsequent treatments can work if this doesn’t work, so that feeling of pressure can easily creep in surrounding this.

But that’s not me looking at the situation with eyes of faith. I keep reminding myself of the fact that a lot is NOT riding on this surgery- a lot is riding on God. In fact, everything is riding on God, and that’s how He asks us to live- leaning on Him, not things of this world. He’s all good, and we can trust Him. We are praying for my doctor’s hands and decisions to be guided by the Holy Spirit, for the surgery to be a success, and for all the immune and other issues and treatments that need to be meticulously managed surrounding this. But my worrying about the outcome won’t change the outcome for the better- it will only rob me of my peace right now. So I have to keep punting it to God, knowing that He has a plan, and His plan is for good. His will be done. My life right now looks nothing like I thought it would look, but look at the good He is bringing out of the mess! Whatever happens with this next step, He will bring good out of it.

While the success of the surgery is very important to my human self, it doesn’t carry the same weight that my relationship with God carries, the same weight that living out His will for my life carries. My focus needs to remain on Him. Though I know that my hope needs to be in God, not a surgery, He’s reminded me of that via scripture in several ways this week, and that has really helped to dissolve anxious feelings. A similar thing happened leading up to a surgery I had a couple of years ago- I just love how He works!

The first way I heard Him speaking directly to me about this week was this past weekend’s gospel. The Beatitudes were the perfect reminder for me not to see things with human eyes- whether it’s this surgery or anything in life.

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“When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain,
and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him. 
He began to teach them, saying:
‘Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you
and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me.
Rejoice and be glad,
for your reward will be great in heaven.'”

-Matthew 5:1-12a (NABRE)

As humans we can see many of those descriptors as negatives, but God has transformed them into blessings, into sources of happiness! What great news of His ability to transform anything and everything, whichever descriptor(s) there we can most relate to right now. How can we be blessed (read: happy) in those circumstances? In Him. Not in circumstances, but in His love, peace, and truth. That’s where the true comfort and joy are. We really are happy when we live in a countercultural way. I can personally attest to that, especially in the amount of joy I’m able to experience despite my situation.

Then yesterday I was listening to an episode of The Bible in a Year podcast, and I wasn’t even on the “correct” day, but of course it contained a verse I really needed to hear:

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be still.”

-Exodus 14:14 (RSVCE)

Wow, how reassuring to hear God saying to me that He will fight for me, and that my job at this point is to be still. Now He asked me to do several things leading up to this point- I’ve worked hard in the meticulous planning of this surgery, I’ve been spending a lot of time in prayer, etc. But now it’s time for me to be still. The outcome of this surgery is not in my control (talk about humbling), but I’m choosing to trust Him and let Him fight for me.

Then I went to evening Mass today, and the readings blew my mind. The responsorial psalm was “Listen Lord, and answer me,” and the gospel reading was about the healing of the woman afflicted with hemorrhages for 12 years and the healing of Jairus’ daughter! I couldn’t believe it, but at the same time, I could believe it. My pastor gave me the anointing of the sick after Mass, and even his first comment to me was one of awe about the timing of those readings today. God’s timing is perfect.

Thank you, God, for walking with me, patiently reminding me of what I need to hear, and relieving my anxiety about this surgery. Your Word is truth and a gift to all of us!

Thank you, readers, for your prayers for me! Please feel free to contact me with your intentions so I can be specifically praying for you as well. God bless!

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