Advent: Growing in the Waiting

Waiting… it’s something I’m not good at naturally. I’m an achiever, and my personality thrives on getting things done, completing the checklist, making it happen. I had no idea how much self-worth I derived from that until I was faced with this health situation that is out of my control. No matter the lengths I’ve gone to with research, treatments, doctor’s appointments, etc., I still don’t have my health back yet. Talk about humbling.

I think part of my issue with waiting was that it felt like a waste of time in which nothing was happening. Waiting seemed to be this abyss that sucked up precious time, all the while the good thing that I was longing for was in the distant future. But in the midst of my situation, God has been patiently teaching me so much about the spiritual gifts that are born from waiting.

Advent is literally a season of waiting, after all, so it’s clear that there must be something to waiting. What are we supposed to do in the waiting, though? I’ve learned that waiting, which is often underwhelming in and of itself, does not have to be a waste of time if we see the waiting with spiritual eyes, cooperating with God’s plan and letting Him mold us in that interim space. A lot of action can take place in the waiting, as paradoxical at that sounds.

I am a completely different person than I was 20+ years ago when I got sick, but I’m also different than I was 15 or 10 or 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago during this ordeal. Why? Because God has been pruning me in the waiting. He’s been teaching me and revealing more of Himself to me, and that has been changing me for the better. God has been working on my heart during the waiting. The not yet having what I’m longing for makes me more aware of my need for God and provides a bigger opportunity for my growth.

Isn’t that what Advent is all about? We wait in joyful anticipation of His coming, but it’s not Christmas yet. The purpose of Advent is for us to grow nearer to Him in our hearts and be more prepared to accept Him at Christmas (and at His second coming). The point is for us to grow and not be the same people we were when Advent began! That is how quickly change can happen amidst the waiting- just these few weeks of Advent can and should initiate growth. The parallel between Advent and my life is striking, so I now see Advent with different eyes than I did in the past.

What can happen in the waiting? So much, for example:

• Growing in the theological virtues of faith, hope, and love/charity, and in the cardinal virtues of justice, prudence, temperance, and fortitude

• Purification of personal desires, accompanied by an increase in the practice of surrender (a tough one!)

• A sharpening of the lens with which we focus on God and see life

• Learning more about God and the faith, sparked by the desperation and humility that come from our human desires not yet being met

The more we lack, the more we give up, the less we make our own personal desires the center of our lives…the more God reveals Himself to us and the more grace-filled our lives become. That’s a paradox of our beautiful faith. I could not have seen or understood a lot of what God’s been trying to teach me in recent years without the level of desperation I’ve felt, without life’s circumstances stripping me of my desires and dreams, without the waiting. God wants our hearts, and He does so much with our hearts when we give them to Him.

In terms of lack, it humbles me to realize that God sent His son to earth as an infant, a sweet baby, needing all of His humanly needs met although He was to save the world from sin. God didn’t send His son to earth in a place of esteem, but in a place of need, humility, and simplicity. We can present our own lack to God this Advent, asking Him to grow our hearts in the way we most need this Advent season.

Going even deeper, during Advent we’re not only preparing for Jesus’ coming at Christmas, but we are also preparing for His second coming. We are always in a place of waiting in terms of the big spiritual picture.

In the risen Christ the Church’s petition is buoyed by hope, even if we still wait in a state of expectation and must be converted anew every day.

CCC 2630

So we keep waiting, but not passively. Great change can happen in the process. Hope is a part of the waiting process that sustains us. We know how the story ends spiritually speaking- God wins. We just need to give our hearts to Him and live in His truth, which are no easy tasks, but He provides the grace . It strikes me how the Catechism specifies that we might need to be converted anew every day. It’s not a one-time decision or choice, but a way of life in which we seek the needed graces daily!

In my life I’m still doing a lot of waiting right now- waiting for doctor’s consults and surgical plans, waiting for more upcoming surgeries before things can be better for me symptomatically, etc. It’s frustrating for sure, especially since I’ve been at this waiting game for so many years, but at least now I can see the spiritual fruits and growth coming from all of the waiting, and that is a gift. It helps me to understand and connect to the season of Advent better, to be more open to God working on my heart, and to shift my focus to what’s most important, knowing that this time of waiting in my life is not a waste. Have you seen yourself growing in the waiting process? Let me know in the comments!

Enter your email address to receive email updates whenever I publish a new blog post! I won’t crowd your inbox- I plan to post a couple of times per month.